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Mom Guilt and the Empty Cup

    As Mother’s Day is winding down, I’m sitting here reflecting on all of the emotions that go along with having kids. The pure joy of being given the gift of motherhood, the raging anxiety of not having a clue as to what you’re doing, the happiness when you see your kid(s) happy, the heartbreak you feel for them when they’re sick, or hurt, or disappointed, the fear that you’re royally screwing them up, the pride you feel when you watch them succeed, and then arguably the biggest one – the mom guilt. Being a mom means you get to ride an emotional rollercoaster for life. If you’re anything like me; you weren’t prepared for the ride.

    No one warns you about the emotions that come with being a mom. One day you’re living your best life, living carefree, and the next you’re responsible for this tiny little human who came without a manual. You have all of these hopes and dreams for your kids, but will never truly be able to plan or prepare yourself for what comes along with it all. You’re used to a life where you can drop what you’re doing and go have fun or do something for yourself. A baby or two + later, and now it takes more preparation to schedule an afternoon or night out than it does to plan a wedding. Once you’re finally out of the house you spend half the time worrying about your kids and wondering if they’re ok/if they’ll be upset you left them. You wonder if it would’ve been easier to just stay home, but you really did have fun those few hours away and that makes you feel guilty too.

    I’m infamous for sharing the sentiment that “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” My husband recently used those words against me, and I am grateful that he did. Since things have been increasingly unstable for Connor, I have had a harder time being away from him and our other kids unless it’s for work or another commitment that I need to be at. Over Easter weekend, we planned a mother daughter trip with my mom, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, Jason’s aunt, and his cousin. I had really been looking forward to it. The week leading up to the trip, things were extremely crazy for us schedule wise. On top of that, Connor had a ‘not so great’ week health wise. As the trip neared so did my fear and mom guilt. How could I go away knowing that he wasn’t feeling 100% and that he was sad? After a lot of conversation, Jason looked at me and said “you can’t pour from an empty cup – isn’t that what you tell other people?” He wasn’t wrong, and it felt like my cup had been empty for a while. So, despite Connor’s protesting that I stay home, we left for Seneca Lake Friday afternoon and came home this morning. I had the best time with some of my favorite people. We walk around a quaint little town, ate some fantastic food, sampled lots of different adult beverages, and laughed the weekend away. Guess what? Connor had a great weekend too! He said he had fun playing with his siblings, going to his brother’s baseball game, having his favorite pizza, and having his grandpa sleep over. Jason kept telling me that the separation would be good for the both of us, and he was right. I also got four of the BIGGEST hugs when I walked in the door this morning.

     The point of me sharing this with all of you is so you know that you are not alone. It’s ok and necessary to do things for yourself sometimes. It makes you a better mom/wife/friend/person. It’s normal to feel guilty because you’re doing something for yourself, but push through the feelings, because the fun you have is needed. Yes, you’re a mom, and a damn good one, but you’re a human being too. You have needs and if you don’t take care of them, you won’t be able to take care of your babies. Being a mom is, without a doubt, the hardest most rewarding job in the world. It most certainly is not for the faint of heart. Remember that there is no ‘right way’ to be a mom. Do what works best for you and your family. Do what you need to do in order to be happy and fulfilled, and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for it – especially yourself!

     Happy Mother’s Day to the rockstar moms of the world. Every day won’t be a good day, but there will always be little moments that are good throughout the day. Give yourself grace, hold onto the good ones, and remember tomorrow is another day!


                  



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